Meltdowns, and their lesser-known counterpart, shutdowns, are often a taboo subject. Often, when people think of a meltdown, the word ‘tantrum’ is used and for some people, the image of a screaming child comes to mind. The reality of how autistic bodies react in difficult situations is often much more complex than one might believe.
I will be clear, for a very long time, meltdowns were a daily occurrence, often involving intense physical reactions. This is a difficult subject for me, so I will try to avoid talking about this until potentially a time in the future once I have come to terms with my past. What I can say, and this is also common with my present-day meltdowns, is that the cause is often invisible to most others, but for me it is all-consuming.
Let’s define what the causes of a meltdown are. Usually, my meltdowns are caused by two triggers – the sense of being overwhelmed, and often as a result of this, the feeling of a loss of control. This often translates into an actual loss of control of my body. For clarity – I still have some control over my body. I can, for example, move myself to a safe location, away from other people. I’ve even been known to control my sail in a boat so it is ‘hove-to’, a technique usually used for storm survival, so that I can remain stationary until I am calm enough to continue sailing. In general, I become impulsive and therefore my muscles can become very active and I will move my arms and legs loads, and I will often say things I don’t actually believe. This can also be combined with intense crying or anger. In effect, my emotions have overwhelmed my body so I cannot control it.
Truth is, this reaction is far from a ‘tantrum’, it is in fact an extensive of a primitive reaction most of us are familiar with: fight of flight. My body is sensing the danger it feels it is in, and is taking over from my rational-thinking brain, and therefore wanting to run away, or fight for some form of control of the situation.
I will also describe a ‘shutdown’, the lesser-known counterpart to meltdowns. Shutdowns are the ‘freeze’ response; where my body realises that it cannot fight or run from a situation, so will instead stand it’s ground. Many of the symptoms are similar to panic attacks – I usually go semi-verbal, finding it physically impossible to force more than a dozen words out of my mouth. I also feel completely glued to the ground and incapable of moving even if I want to, and I also become less receptive to outside information.
For clarity, my experiences are not universal among autistic or neurodivergent people, yet I believe sharing experiences is a hugely important means of helping others understand.
Finally, I’d like to explain how I manage the challenges of dealing with my body’s reactions as a competitive sailor. The first approach I have already explained – helping others understand me and how I can be supported in these situations (often someone talking to me calmly and acknowledging my feelings is the biggest help I can have). Beyond that, I can give myself rest between days of a regatta to decrease the chance of me becoming overwhelmed, as well as creating plans for how I will approach a meltdown or shutdown if it will occur. I can also do activities such as eating a cereal bar at the end of a stressful leg of the course, to give myself a physical motion that will decrease my stress levels. These techniques have been acquired over years of trial and error, so my suggestion to others is to give a few ideas a go and see what works best for you!
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